To follow up about my last post….The dragon was slain, but not in the heroic efforts that I imaged. Instead, I think that the dragon conceded, crawled back into its cave as I shuffled away in the opposite direction.
The race didn't go as well as planned. I started out conservatively and warmed up to my target pace for the first 10 miles, I was feeling good and the legs were turning over easy. Unfortunately, a cold raining started falling about mile 9 and by 12, I couldn't keep myself from shivering. The rest of the race was a blur...My only goal was to finish. I was able to make it and was happy I finished...But felt unsatisfied by my performance.
As I think about the race, my thought process was a mosaic grouping of random thoughts. I was surprised how dream like things were….I could hear voices but not place where they were coming from…. road seemed so rough, I didn’t think that my legs could take the pounding….the feeling of shivering uncontrollably and how frustrated I got by how my fingers couldn’t tear the gel pack open….running up the hill to Saint Thomas went so quick, I forgot that I already ran up. The finish was so anti-climatic that I really had no emotion at all….neither happy or sad…
Since the race, I have been laying low and recouping. I have had time to think about the race and this past experience was epic for the wrong reasons. In my delirious state of mind Sunday, I kind of remember not enjoying what I was doing. I knew how afraid I was if I stop running, either a more hypotermic state or the disappointment if I didn’t finish.
I don’t know that the future of running holds for me. There is a feeling of frustration because I didn't get to test my fitness level. As well as other thoughts of running another marathon in a couple of months to the other extreme of hanging up the racing all together and just stick to the running. Time will tell.
Until that time comes….I will count the positive things…I am not injured, I have a wonderful support team, and I did finish the marathon.
Steady on….
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